Kraken Falls: The rise of the seascraper

While the position of World’s Tallest Building has long been a hotly contested goal amongst architects and developers suffering from insecurity, mid-life crisis and phallic envy, the competition has moved up a notch with the announcement of The Kraken, the world’s first underwater megaplex.

Rather than building up as high as they can, the latest trend is to go down as deep as possible, as 296 of The Kraken’s 312 floors will be below sea level, offering residents of the exclusive hotel and apartment complex panoramic views of sea life, due to its location over the Mariana Trench in the Pacific ocean.

Off-plan sales have already been a big hit with marine enthusiasts, the decadently rich and the just plain stupid. As with old-fashioned skyscrapers, where prices increase with the loftiness of the view, The Kraken’s most expensive residences will be the deepest, with the final twenty floors pitching between $20 and $30 million US, depending on fixtures and fittings. All apartments will be fully furnished with interior design guru Kelly Hoppen consulting on fabrics, bathrooms by Roper Rhodes and Poggenpohl kitchens.

Laughing off suggestions that the project really is a disaster waiting to happen, Arcane Developments, chief shareholder in the multi-billion scheme, assured clients and scaremongers in their brochure that “bad things just don’t happen to rich people anymore”. Hedging their bets though, the movie, publishing and gaming rights have already been sold to Irwin Allen’s grandson.