Poke a man, see him fall

Natural deselection is being taken up a notch with the introduction of extra creatures into the global phenomenon Pokemon Go.

Incidents of players walking into walls, off cliffs, into the path of motorists and falling down open manholes are increasing daily. One player even crashed his car attempting to catch a cartoon animal using his mobile phone while driving.

Natural selection was the theory espoused by Charles Darwin in 1859 in his revolutionary book On the Origin of Species. It states that organisms must develop traits that enable them to survive in the world around them, protecting themselves from other predators and the environment. These traits also make them attractive enough to reproduce.

It now appears that, with our accelerating dependence on technology, the human race is actually devolving, as we are losing the basic skills necessary to survive without assistance. Our brains are shrinking, our knowledge is decreasing and our ability to act rationally and independently is rapidly disappearing with each pointless app that spews it’s way into the public consciousness.

A new technological singularity is rapidly approaching. A singularity is when previous generations would not be able to comprehend the new world around them. However, now the reverse is also true, and future generations could not comprehend a world without absolute reliance on technology, and will lack the core talents that our ancestors had successfully passed down. Like basic communication and the ability to walk in a straight line.

When asked if he feels responsible for so many lives ruined, mysterious game guru Shen Tzu sighed. “We all feel terrible for the children. Due to their youthful inexperience, they haven’t developed the skills necessary to survive in this world. They haven’t been taught the Green Cross Code, how to hold more than one thought at a time, or even to walk properly.”

Then he chuckled. “But the adults? They have no excuse. Whenever I hear of a man walking into a door because he’s got his nose in his phone I shit myself laughing.”

“All the money I’m making is being spunked on fresh underwear. I’m laughing a lot.”