Bay’s Bunnies

When film director Michael Bay first boasted of his massive bunny collection, many presumed he was describing a personal harem of nubile models a la Hugh Hefner’s Playboy mansion, or maybe a euphemism for piles. No-one guessed the visionary behind such hard-hitting movies as Transformers, Pain and Gain and Armageddon was such a fan of bunny rabbits his Malibu estate is home to over 3,000 of them.

“I started out with just a few in a cage in the yard, as the chicks really seemed to dig the softer side they brought out in me,” the uber-mogul said. “But then more and more appeared. Who knew they would breed so much?”

However the Hollywood wunderkind has put his lupine surplus to use, using them to plan and test action sequences for his billion-grossing blockbusters. These stunt rabbits run through explosive set pieces, captured digitally on his specially commissioned RED 8k super-camera.

Footage of splattering limbs is shot against portable green screens to be superimposed into footage of human deaths. T. J. Miller’s gruesome demise in Transformers: Age of Extinction used such stock footage of flying bunny parts, so no harm would come to the human actor.

When questioned about the ethics of employing live animals in the pursuit of action movie excellence, the ever-pubescent playboy grew angry, and casually fingered the M16 he carries with him for protection at all times on his ranch. “Hey, it’s the circle of life man,” Bay explained. “They more they screw, the more they die. You animal huggers don’t have nothing to complain about here. These guys have a great life on my ranch: they get the best food, the freshest air, and no hassling from the man, as well as the chance to enjoy a truly great and noble death.”

The lion-maned Californian stepped out onto the balcony to view the rippling fields of his frolicking rabbit army shimmering in the setting sun. “Just look at these crazy kids,” he sighed, moist-eyed. “They have no idea what I’ve got planned for them tomorrow. Shit’s gonna get real.”

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