An increasingly embittered older generation have decided to turn their backs on the theory of evolution, recent surveys have revealed.
The basic principle of evolution is that each generation adapts to their environment, improving and building on the foundations of their forebears. That is how a species can grow over time and ensure it’s own survival.
However, with the recent explosion of digital technology ensuring a new singularity is fast approaching, the current ageing populace is more disenchanted with the changes to the world around them than ever before. Smarter phones, TV’s and interwebbery has given the false impression the fruit of their loins are having more fun than they did, and the silver surfers are not happy.
This bitterness is despite the fact that many human elders (55 or over) are wealthier than their parents, and in all likelihood their children. The houses they bought dirt-cheap forty years ago are now worth one hundred times as much, out of the grasp of most young home-buyers. Medical advances have ensured the elders will live twice as long as their ancestors, although hospital privatisation guarantees their descendants won’t be able to afford the treatments currently available.
Many elders are also getting their own fortunate lives confused with their parents and grandparent’s harsh experiences. “No-one gave me nothing when I was younger,” said flatulent blowhard Dick Little. “I’ve worked for everything I had, never taken a day off, and I’m honest as the grass is green. Makes me die when you hear people moaning about Brexit being worse for the kids today. It’ll be good for them to struggle like I had to.” He then started mumbling about surviving the Blitz, despite being born in 1953, and seemed to believe food was better under rationing that it is from Tesco.
Indeed, voting to leave Europe out of pure spite is just one way elders are attempting to dismantle the hopes and aspirations of the young. Reading the Daily Mail and associating Jeremy Corbyn with Nazism is another sign of a desperately confused generation bitter with the mediocrity of their lives. Many hope Donald Trump will win the American elections to add extra danger to an already toxic world. “It’ll be good for kids to grow up in fear of a nuclear holocaust, and with that fruit loop’s finger on the button there’s a damn good chance there’ll finally be one.”
“I may not be around for much longer. I just want to watch the world burn.”