Wish you were here

Google is to release a game-changing app that allows users to map a photorealistic avatar of themselves into live feeds of real locations to create virtual home movies.

LiveDream™ will adapt GoogleEarth 360 technology to fill in the background while the user practices their selfie moves. This comes after the enormous success of the media giant’s FacePalm™ app that allowed users to swap features with their frenemies in photos. Obviously, the ability to be photoshopped into interesting pictures has been around for donkey’s years, but the new dimension of motion grants an additional element of realism to the fraud.

Now, people don’t have to travel anywhere or do anything to impress their friends on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or Twitter. They can just LiveDream™ themselves holidaying in the Caribbean, trekking the Inca trail or exploring the Amazon from the comfort and safety of their squalid home, et voila, instant jealousy from followers.

Humdrum slave monkey Barry Unce is already a fan of the revolutionary brag app. “For years, I’ve felt the poor cousin to my school and college mates who all seem to be having much more exciting and happier lives than me. Now, I can join them in travelling the world in bespoke luxury, and don’t have to let on about the truly depressing mediocrity of my existence. I couldn’t have wished for a better Christmas present. Thank you Father Google.”

As always, the porn industry has been quick to capitalise on the idea, already producing faux sexual encounter footage that can be filled in with the subscriber’s avatar. Although still in it’s beta testing stage, it’s likely the avatar can be adapted to suit the user’s desires. Soon, the average man will be able to virtually boast about his professionally portioned portion and fake girlfriends to people who really don’t want to look at that sort of thing, without the fear of STD’s and a high credit bill.

Several celebrities eager to squeeze their brand dry have also touted selling personal experiences for a fee. Rather than spending up to £100 for a meagre autograph, fans can now pay £1000 for footage of a romantic dinner with Tom Hiddleston, or £5000 to party with the Kardashians. A chance encounter with Danny Dyer at a Leytonstone bus stop will be available for a bargain £50.

As social media becomes an integral part of people’s lives, virtual alter-egos have begun to supplant genuine personality traits and physical human interaction. The disconnect between reality and fantasy has become increasingly blurred, with many people’s online profile more important to them than the mundanity of their day to day existence.

Barry Unce is one user oblivious to the inherent dangers of enjoying his online life more than his real one. “In bygone days I’d be just another drone waiting to die a lonely death. Luckily, I’m living in the 21st century where I can travel the world, be touted as a genius, get the girl, kill the bad guys and save the entire planet.”

“Who cares about reality when life is this good?”

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