I’ll schweam until you’re sick

UKIP MP and vociferous Brexiteer Douglas Carswell has declared the Earth is flat. This follows a recent pronouncement from the Clacton representative that the sun is responsible for tidal movement rather than the moon, despite what conventional wisdom, short-sighted scientists and non-free thinkers would have us believe.

“Scare-mongerering fact-hounds left our beaches open for years, and it’s time to protect our borders once more,” ranted the delusional politico. “I know I’m right, because I said so, and 52% of the Great British Public agree with me.”

When Sky News journalist Mark Greenhorn attempted to explain the fundamental principle of the world being round and the gravitational effect of the moon, Mr Carswell became agitated and began to stamp his feet up and down. “If that was true we’d all fall off the edge and our island would be flooded every day,” he screamed, before putting his fingers in his ears and shutting his eyes. “You don’t exist if I can’t see or hear you. Na, na, na, na, na.”

Mr Carswell’s attitude is typical of an increasingly common trend in supposedly educated and rational men and women to espouse the most illogical theories just because they thought of them. To disagree or backtrack in the face of overwhelming evidence is seen as a personal assault on their fragile and pathetic egos, tantamount to a declaration of war.

These Super-Brats are a global phenomenon, with US Trumpists vehemently opposing any perceived slight on their cult leader, denouncing factual disclosures as communist jihadist libtard conspiracy. Drinking the Kool-Aid is preferable to dealing with the harsh realities of everyday life, or working to solve the nation’s problems. That would require accepting character flaws and taking personal responsibility for mistakes, something which ostrich-admiring Super-Brats are incapable of doing.

The human race is now entering it’s Age of Delusion, a devolutionary stage that will see culture, intelligence and logic cast aside in favour of selfish hoarding and violent scapegoating. Previous great periods in history have marked the advancement of the species. The Renaissance encouraged the furthering of knowledge, while the Age of Enlightenment strengthened the core values of liberty and fraternity over authoritarian dictatorship.

Unfortunately, the world of celebrity idolatry and social media screaming prefers fiction over fact in this Age of Delusion. The insatiable need to bend reality to accommodate selfish desires has created a weak-willed, thin-skinned generation incapable of resolving differences, building barriers rather than bridges between cultures.

“The Great British Sterling has never been stronger,” declared Mr Carswell. “Reports that £1 is now equal to €1 are the work of jealous foreign powers and Jeremy Corbyn. It’ll be his fault when the NHS closes and Russia invades to steal the natural resources and industry we don’t have, you heard it here first.”

“Nay-sayers be damned, I’m going to schweam and schweam until everyone agrees. I have a mandate. That means I can fly too, my wings are like a shield of steel.”

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