Hell in a handcart

America is gearing up for it’s next civil war, as the election battle between Clinton and Trump promises to leave all parties dissatisfied, no matter the outcome.

Gun sales have shot through the roof as frustrated voters already believe the ballot will be rigged, and are planning to take to the streets with righteous anger should their preferred candidate not ascend to the Oval office.

Trump cultist Lol Coburn expressed the impotent anger many feel. “I’ve been seeing my welfare stolen by Commie Muslims for years now, and I’ve had enough. No-one I know on my trailer park be voting for Killary, so it’ll all be a big fat lie when she wins. That’s why I’m taking advantage of the Walmart 2 for 1 sale, it’s time we bring the fight to them, and take our country back.”

The predicted descent into anarchy is looked forward to by many who see it as a brilliant opportunity to finally use the thousands of dollars worth of weapons they’ve been stockpiling for years.

“I only ever get to shoot my load on the range, but come election night it’s time to party with the pussy posse,” said hockey mom Blair Bullock, excited to join the thousands planning to take to the streets in a weaponised revolution. “Those libtards, Mexicants and negro gangbangers aint gonna know what’s hit ’em when me and ma girls bring it, bitch.”

However, the anticipated breakdown of civillisation is unlikely to work in the favour of the survivalist redneck fraternity who have been predicting such an armageddon for decades. Family-centric ethnic communities will most likely bond together, sharing food and amenities, gating themselves in against the gun-toting caucasians roaming the streets in search of a burger barn or chicken joint to loot. Such establishments will be the first to close, as the minimum wage workforce flees across the border from the rabid redneck horde.

The despised middle class liberals will be able to enjoy a self-sufficient lifestyle, having the intelligence, skills and knowledge necessary to grow their own vegetables. They too will also have to protect themselves against the increasingly feral gun crazies, however it is expected they will primarily use landmines and electrified fences, only opening fire as a last resort.

Once the tinned goods supply eventually runs out, it is predicted the obese grenade chuckers will become increasingly feral, needing to loot, pillage and murder to sustain themselves, as even a can of dog food becomes a prized commodity. It is a world that every red-blooded racist conspiracy prepper has prophesied, but not quite how they expected.

“Just like I’ve always said, knew it would happen one day,” laughed Lol Coburn. “Just didn’t think I’d end up being the bad guy is all. Hyuk.”

 

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