“Kids today don’t know how lucky they are. Back in my day we had to think for ourselves, and it was hard, damn hard to know what was right and wrong, hard to tell who was lying and who was telling the truth. Now, at least we’re all told what to believe, and it makes life a lot easier.”
The oldest man in Greatest Britain, factory cleaner Ray Smith, 79, shakes his head with disdain as he remembers the dark pre-Brexit days, and the horror of the NHS which kept people alive long past their sell by date.
“Those evil GP’s refusing to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, the lazy gits, they what done for the National Health Service. Them and those damn benefit tourists. Remember people saying at the time it was down to the £20 billion in budget cuts, but our beloved Tories wouldn’t do nothing like that. Anyway, better off without public health, doesn’t pay to keep living too long. Once I retire next year, I’m looking forward to a good popping of the pill and I’ll go to Valhalla comfy. Not bad for a C class worker drone, I’ve done alright for myself.”
Ray believes that people are far happier now than they ever used to be. “Dreams, aspirations, wouldn’t give them house room. The idea that serfs should know anything other than their natural place was a sick socialist nightmare, and thinking any different is only going to rock the boat. The A class know how to use money and power, so it’s best left up to them. Us lower classes can enjoy a life of good, honest servitude, knowing we’re being looked after by the best.”
Looking back from 2050, the tumultuous events of 2016 were indeed ground breaking. Previously, revolutions had resulted in a wealthy elite being overturned to allow the downtrodden the chance of a better life. However, 2016 marked a turning point in history, as the poorest in society heroically voted against their best interests to strengthen the position of the richest in society, deeming them more suitable to rule.
Ray believes his generation’s sacrifice isn’t appreciated enough. “We fought the liberal elite and we won. I’m proud of my place in history. Without us, people would be living longer and not knowing what to do with themselves. Kids would be thinking they could move up in the world. Know your place, because our masters and betters know what’s right for us. Just let the daily factoid put a smile on your face and enjoy the 14 hour shift, that’s what I say. Pigs in shit couldn’t be happier.”
In America, 2016 also marked the voting in of the first generation of the Trump royal family, with President Trump (as he was then known) winning the hearts and minds of the common people, before proclaiming himself Emperor in 2020, and establishing a dynasty in the grand Tsarist tradition.
Fast food drone Lol Coburn is grateful for not having the pressure of deciding who to vote for as his forefathers did. “Sounds like a nightmare, all them arguing and lying and cheating that used to go on in the bad old days. Every four years, having to change over all the time, must’ve been crazy man, like having bugs in your head. Now, we have the Trumps to rule over us, so least we know what we’re going to get, year in, year out.”
“They’re damn fun, and goddamn ruthless, praise be, just what this country deserves. We’re a nation of gangsters, just like when the founding fathers gazumped them Injuns, so it’s only right our rulers have upped their game in the 21st century. Hell, when Barron got rid of his brother to become our latest god-king, I paid top dollar to join the party and blow some bullets into Eric’s corpse when they lynched him on Fifth Avenue.”
“And dont get me started on that old fuddy duddy ‘White House’. It can’t hold a candle to the gold plated version they got now. Yessirree, you can always trust a Trump to put on a show.”